


Standing Next To You

by colazitron



Series: 2015 December Holiday Fic Countdown [21]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 06:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5486270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colazitron/pseuds/colazitron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor's unsure about being with Troye publicly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Standing Next To You

If he’s being honest, Connor’s a little spooked. He also knows that it’s an absolutely ridiculous reaction to have to a celebrity gossip thing, but it’s happening anyway. Troye and he have been talking a lot about coming out as a couple - not announcing it as such, maybe, but just upping the PDA a bit, maybe, but now that Olly Alexander and Neil Amin-Smith have broken up, it’s like the floodgate that’s kept all of his worries about it at bay is ripped wide open.

What if they get tons of media scrutiny and find they’re not ready for it? Troye’s already so much more open about his being gay than Connor is, making it a part of his work in a way that Connor hasn’t - and he’s never sure if that’s because it’s more natural for it to be a part of Troye’s than Connor’s or because he’s holding back - and Connor might not be able to pull his weight. Maybe he’d be too defensive or closed off and Troye would come to resent him for it. And if they - heaven forbid - broke up, then everyone would find out about that as well. Connor has roughly negative 400% interest in dealing with a breakup publically.

Probably the worst part is that Connor hasn’t brought it up. He only found out once they’d both gone to their respective family homes, and it’s just not a phone or skype conversation, Connor thinks. “Btw, I’m not sure about being public”, “btw, Nolly breakup freaked me out”... however Connor phrases it, it’s a conversation he wants to have when he’s physically with Troye.

The thing about being apart and not talking about it, though, isn’t that Connor doesn’t talk to Troye at all, of course. They talk pretty much every day, and every time Connor looks at Troye’s face or hears his voice he’s reminded of his fears, and his secret, and then there’s guilt about not mentioning it that gets mixed in with the rest of his anxiety, and just... it festers. It just gets worse, day by day, and by the time Connor touches down in Perth for New Year’s, he feels wound tight and exhausted - both from the flight and his emotions.

Troye hugs him close when Connor walks out of baggage claim, and that’s... okay. They’ve done that before. But them Connor grabs his suitcase and shoves his other hand into his pocket and feels like a complete dick for it. He’s not even sure Troye notices at all, he has no way of knowing whether Troye wanted to hold his hand in the first place, but he feels like a grade A ass for making sure he can’t because he’s caught in his own worry-spiral.

He really has to bring it up soon.

But then everything’s so fun, they have such a great time, and rarely go outside anyway - into public at least - and Connor... puts it off. Puts it off, and genuinely forgets it, Troye’s presence in his life like a balm on his scraped up mind, calming him and making his thoughts settle. They’re not Olly and Neil, after all. Their situations aren’t that alike. Most importantly, Connor can and will follow Troye around the world if he has to.

Being with Troye is just... natural. It feels like it’s supposed to happen; not in a fate or destiny kind of way, but the way where now that it has happened everything is so much better that it makes no sense to stop doing it.

New Year’s is spent in a circle of Troye’s family and friends and Connor slots into Troye’s side the way he does whenever it’s just the two of them. There’s no fear here, surrounded by people who care about them, who know to be discrete, and Connor presses kisses to Troye’s face whenever he wants. Their midnight kiss might possibly get a bit out of hand, if the hooting and hollering around them is anything to go by. Connor grins at the noise and wraps his arms around Troye’s neck and lets him bend him back a bit to really go for it for a moment, before they right themselves, laughing.

So when they leave for their South Africa trip two days later, Connor’s excited about seeing his friends again, excited about being with his boyfriend, excited about what this year will bring him, and not at all concerned about public opinion or far off possible breakups. When Troye babbles on about a music idea he and Alex have been fiddling with, and he turns over to smile at Connor next to him in line while they wait for boarding to start, it feels like the easiest thing in the world to pull Troye in and kiss him. Just gently, just a reminder that they’re here together and Connor couldn’t be happier about it.

When Troye startles for a moment before kissing back, Connor smiles.

It’s only once they pull apart that he realises what he just did, and while Troye’s smiling gently, Connor feels like his face is frozen in anxious surprise. Troye’s smile gives way to confusion, to worry, and finally to gentle reassurance.

“You’re okay. We’re okay,” he says, wrapping an arm around Connor’s shoulders and pulling him in.

In for a penny, in for a pound, Connor thinks, and turns his face into Troye’s shoulder. They have several hours of flight time to talk about this after all, but here, wrapped up in Troye, he believes what he said.

They’re okay.

 

**The End**


End file.
